(Almost) Five Years Ago … vs. Today
We went to the tunnel last night and did a marathon … I did probably 40 minutes over the course of two hours in the tunnel (3 hours total time, including breaks). One of the people joining us is a pre-AFF student who has done a few tandems and wanted to get some tunnel time before she starts her student progression. She reminded me so much of me in my first tunnel sessions that it caused me to reflect on how far I’ve come in (almost) 5 years in skydiving. August 14th will be the official anniversary of my first jump… but we’re close enough for government work.
When I look back at videos of my early tunnel sessions both just before and not long after I got my A license … I am SO tense. My fists are clenched, my face is serious … I’m working so hard to get it right that it’s probably impeding my ability to get it right. Contrast that with last night - I was laughing and smiling and basically having a grand old time throughout all those sessions. I’d turn to do the wrong point and just laugh and turn back. No stress, and the laughter relaxed me and probably made the correction faster and more effective. I’d get to a point and get over-aggressive going to take the dock and instead of beating myself up, I’d just let go, smile, relax, and do it again. I feel like I’m hitting a groove both in the tunnel and in the air - sure I can still over-amp and get stressed and beat myself up, but for the most part, I’m smiling through every jump and, remarkably (but really not surprisingly) it’s seemed to make my skydiving better.
I was, as I’ll tell anyone who’ll listen, the student from hell; I had all kinds of problems and I think most of my instructors didn’t see me getting to my A license, let alone staying in the sport for five years. Sure, in the grand scheme of things, five years isn’t that long (in skydiving terms, I’m still a “tourist” till I have at least 10). But relative to where I started, I’m proud of where I’ve come.
There’s people with 200 jumps who are better skydivers than me. There’s times when there’s skydives I’d like to be on and it’s readily apparent that I just don’t have the skills for it (yet), and sometimes I can get down when I see people with less experience on them… but they’ve got the skills/talent, and I’m still working on it.
I am just now to the point where I feel qualified to begin instructing others; to that end, I’m going for my USPA Coach rating this weekend. I’m nervous about it - I want to do well at this, and am trying to relax and enjoy the process of learning to teach because my performance will be better if I don’t overamp and overthink. But at the same time I want to take it seriously enough to do it well. It’s a fine balance.
In those five years, I had periods of wondering why I stay in the sport. Times when jumps were so scary … or so frustrating … that I wondered why I did this. But there was always something pulling me back in, and after each period of doubt it seems like I’d have a jump … or a weekend … that would remind me why, with great joy and wonder, why I do this. Some that I remember …
My first AFF jump after having such a tough time with clear & pulls in static line that I almost washed out. It was a ridiculously cold but clear Washington day. I was at full altitude for the first time ever. I lost one JM on the exit but was able to exit, be stable, and experience freefall. Yeah, that’s why I’m doing this!
2006 was a rough year… I was jumping pretty infrequently in the beginning of the year, then I had a truly scary landing in the water in May. I’d made enough mistakes on that jump to really frighten me … but I’d also done enough things right to give me hope. I kept jumping but very infrequently that summer, and each jump was almost back to newbie levels of terror. Then we went to the Skydive Oregon boogie…
…and at some point over a beer Jason convinced me I should try being the hanger (freefly position) on a hybrid. And I actually said yes and went through with it the next day. That boogie reinvigorated me … it took a while to get fully back in the groove, but trying something new, succeeding, and laughing my ass off while doing it… yep, that’s why I do this.
And so … here I am on the cusp of five years, having earned not just my A license, but all the way up to D (highest sport license - there are instructional ratings and a pro rating I can still work towards). Who knows what the future will hold and whether I’ll still be in the sport 5 years from now. I have no plans to stop, but never say never.
Till then, blue skies and soft landings!