Light Bulb Moments

I had a moment this morning that inspired me to write a letter to the doctor that I was working with in Seattle on weight and exercise issues before I moved.  I haven’t written much that’s been too personal lately, but I thought it would be an interesting thing to share.  I did take out names and a few specifics that I don’t want on the web, but the basic letter is after the jump:

Dear Dr. [removed],
I had one of those “light bulb” moments this morning and thought that I’d write to give you an update on how things are going for me down in California.  It’s been a bit of a challenge to land where I am today without the support system of [practice] and its partners, but I’m feeling pretty good about things at the moment, and am applying a lot of what I learned working with you and your team and with [nutritionist]

As you know, I moved here at the end of August and established myself with a new physician.  Suffice it to say that’s been a frustrating experience and after months of working with him the only diagnosis he’s been able to provide is “you’re depressed” regardless of the health issue (fatigue, difficulty losing weight, and constipation).  He’s flatly refused to acknowledge that having experienced periods of depression in my life – I know what that’s like and this isn’t it!  And when we discussed my challenges with weight loss he suggested a medical weight loss program.  I went home and looked that up and found out that it’s a highly-calorie-restricted shake-based program.  What a thoughtful recommendation for someone with a history of disordered eating, eh?  Anyway, I’m definitely in the market for a new doctor (I’ve given him enough chances and we just aren’t communicating), but I also realized I wasn’t really going to get any help from him.

After struggling through most of the end of last year with inconsistent eating and exercise (compounded by the fact that I was traveling quite a bit for my job), I came back from the holidays and realized that I wasn’t fitting into my clothes … and it was time to take some action.  I thought that maybe working with a personal trainer would get me excited about working out again, so I interviewed several in my area and decided to work with Noah.  I’ve been working with him since late January – we started out with 50-minute sessions two times a week and after two months, switched to 3x/week for 30 minutes (at greater intensity, of course!).  My first few sessions, I was miserable afterward – I had all the usual muscle soreness that comes with doing something new.  But I kept coming back because it was fun, and I appreciated Noah’s ability to motivate and push me to try things I never thought I could do.

At first I was supplementing my training sessions with visits to the gym once or twice a week, and occasional walking but once we switched to 3x/week, something switched for me as well – I started to realize that if I was already getting up early 3 days a week, getting up early the other two work days wasn’t that big a deal, and that I had learned enough to know what to do to keep the workouts interesting, and since I’d survived Noah pushing me hard, maybe I could push myself just as hard.

So for the last 6-8 weeks or so, I find myself working out 5-6 (even occasionally 7!) days a week.  They’re all short sessions – 30-35 minutes – at high intensity.  It’s all interval training, so I don’t get bored.  I live near a lake (slightly larger than Green Lake) and I’ve even created my own intervals as I walk around the lake, using picnic tables, benches, walls, grass, steps, etc.).  For the first time in well … ever … I’m having fun working out.

So on to the “light bulb” moment.  This morning as we were winding down the workout with stretching, he said “You know, I’m really proud of you.  You’ve really improved, and I’m excited that you’re doing so much working out on your own, too.”  That felt great, then he asked “So how’s everything else? How’s your food and eating?”  I said “It’s good.  I’m making good choices for the most part but I’m also able to allow myself to indulge here and there.  If I have a cookie at a party, I don’t freak out and worry I’m going to go get a half-gallon of ice cream and eat it in one sitting.  I can have a larger, more indulgent meal or even a weekend every so often and life goes on.  I’m not hanging on the edge.”

It’s only been about four months, but I’m optimistic for the first time in a while that I can make this a permanent change.  My work travel schedule has (thankfully) eased to almost nothing, but I find myself scoping out workout possibilities when I do personal travel, and making sure that I have decent food choices available as much as possible.  My energy level has definitely improved, though I can still get pretty fatigued, it’s not as bad as it was.  Blood pressure’s back into the normal rather than high-normal range, and a lot of my general aches and pains have gone away (replaced by new and different ones from challenging my body working out, but I’ll take that any day!).

And of course there’s weight loss – I’m down more than 20 pounds since January.  I’m down one clothing size, and it seems like some weeks I won’t drop any weight but clothes will get looser, other times my clothes won’t change but the scale will move.  I do get frustrated that I’m not losing weight faster, but I know that I’m doing all the right things – of course I’m frustrated that my doctor isn’t supportive in helping me figure out if there’s an underlying issue that’s slowing my metabolism down – but at least I’m still making progress in the right direction.

I’ve briefly considered whether I could stop my training sessions since I’m accomplishing quite a bit on my own, but I really value that support system and the extra push to the next level that I get from working with a trainer.  I suspect that left entirely to my own devices I’d fall into an exercise rut again and have less interest.  It’s not cheap, but I can certainly afford it and I’m too thoughtful about money to ever skip a session that I’ll pay for whether I attend or not.  Plus, there’s an extra added incentive to think “I’m spending $500/month on a trainer – I should maximize the value of that with everything else I do – eating, exercise, etc.”  Money’s not a core motivator, but it’s a nice extra incentive if I want to get lazy!

Anyway, I know this has been a long letter, but I feel like at least something of a [practice] success story, even though the switch didn’t quite “flip” for me till I was out of your hands.  Still much of what I’m doing and the attitude I’m taking towards myself and my health is things I learned from my time working with [practice].  I think most important of those is the ability to nurture and forgive myself rather than living a life “on the edge,” scared to death of never succeeding in weight loss and fitness unless I somehow did everything perfectly all the time.

I hope that all is well for you and everyone at [practice]. Thanks again for all the positive influence you’ve had on my life and the lives of others.  Please feel free to share this letter with any of your team members – they were all a part as well.